Leadership Consultant Assigns Each Equity Partner A Spirit Animal

29 July 2026

PERTH — The equity partners of Marlow Crane have confirmed that a two-day leadership retreat in Margaret River concluded with each of them being formally assigned a spirit animal, a development none of them had requested, could interpret, or were in any way equipped to receive.

The exercise was facilitated by Bodhi Fairweather, principal of Wildpath Leadership, who flew in from Byron Bay after being engaged on the reasoning, privately held across the partnership, that they are excellent lawyers with no working theory of why their business makes money.

Fairweather’s methodology is built on the DiSC profile, a behavioural instrument that sorts every person alive into one of four letters and was devised in 1928 by the psychologist who also invented an early lie detector and created Wonder Woman. Psychologists regard the test as having no demonstrated capacity to predict anything, a limitation Fairweather has addressed by adding animals. The four categories, he explained, were insufficiently personal. The resulting assessment costs more than a horoscope and operates on a similar evidentiary basis.

Partners were seated in a semicircle at a Margaret River estate and invited to close their eyes while Fairweather read each result aloud.

Geoffrey Hartnell, 67, a litigation partner who works more than a hundred hours a week and has not had a hobby since 1981, was informed that he is a butterfly. Hartnell has led the trial teams in some of the state’s largest commercial disputes and has briefed more silks than he can name. He received the news without expression. Fairweather explained that the butterfly represents transformation, lightness of being, and the courage to emerge. Hartnell asked whether the session was being recorded.

The head of the firm’s resources and native title group, who negotiates across the table from the iron ore majors and has not smiled in a meeting since the nickel price collapsed, was assigned the quokka. Fairweather noted that the quokka is widely regarded as the happiest animal on earth, and said it reflected the partner’s “optimism and natural approachability.” The partner asked to be shown the invoice.

The senior tax partner, understood by staff to derive pleasure from nothing, was told he is a seahorse. Fairweather explained that the seahorse is one of the few species in which the male carries the young, which he said spoke to the partner’s “nurturing leadership presence.” The tax partner did not respond, but was later heard asking whether Wildpath Leadership had sufficient turnover to be required to register for GST.

Managing partner Roland Marlow, 71, whose name is on the door, defended the engagement. “I couldn’t tell you what any of it meant,” Marlow said. “But the feedback forms were positive, and Bodhi was very warm.” Marlow confirmed he did not know his own spirit animal, having stepped out to take a call, and said he would have someone find out.

A fourth partner, approached for comment, said only, “I’m a hummingbird,” and returned to his emails.

Fairweather rejected any suggestion the framework was pseudoscientific. “This isn’t a test,” he said. “There are no wrong answers. Only animals.” He confirmed the assignments were produced by a proprietary instrument that could not be shared for commercial reasons, and that no partner had been assigned a reptile “this cohort.”

The retreat has been judged a success. Marlow Crane has rebooked Wildpath Leadership for the following year, and two rival firms are understood to be in discussions with Fairweather after seeing the LinkedIn post. Hartnell has not mentioned the butterfly again, though associates report he now closes his office door with slightly more force.

The partners have taken one concrete benefit from the two days. The seminar has been submitted under the profession’s mandatory continuing professional development scheme, where it satisfies the Practice Management and Business Skills competency. Every partner present has now discharged that component of his annual obligation, and none of them will have to think about business management again until next year.

This article is satire. Its spirit animal is the marine iguana, but in a three-piece suit.