HR Team Struggling to Find New Way to Celebrate Fifth Diversity Awareness Event This Month

11 February 2026

NAARM (MELBOURNE) — Staff at Simmons & Pratt are reportedly running out of ideas for yet another mandatory diversity celebration, the fifth such event scheduled this month.

All firm communications now open with a full Acknowledgement of Country, recognising the Traditional Owners of the land on which the firm operates, the lands on which staff live, and the lands on which recipients may be reading the email. The acknowledgement is followed immediately by the firm’s physical address, telephone number, fax number, DX, and Post Office Box, which partners confirm “is more reliable, and also meets our requirement for service under the Corporations Act.”

“This week alone we’ve done a cake morning, a quiz, and a lunchtime panel discussion,” admitted one HR manager, while Googling “fun activities for Inclusion Fortnight.” Suggestions floated internally include themed cupcakes, another panel discussion, and renaming the office dog “Equity.”

Associates privately complained the events do little to promote actual diversity, other than ensuring everyone’s calendar is permanently blocked. “It’s nice they care,” said one lawyer. “But honestly, if they just let me leave at 6 p.m. once a year, I’d feel truly included.” One associate with coeliac disease quietly noted that no gluten-free alternatives had been provided, prompting her to question whether the gesture was, in fact, inclusive.

The celebrations have caused particular confusion for Rostyk, a senior IT technician originally from Ukraine, who is still trying to understand what exactly is being commemorated. “I thought Reconciliation Week was for accountants,” Rostyk said. “And equity, I thought this is church law. Separate system. Different courts.”

Rostyk, whose third language is English, initially believed the firm’s repeated Welcome to Country ceremonies were some form of immigration check. For his first two months at the firm, he reportedly carried his passport and visa documents to every morning tea, producing them automatically whenever someone welcomed him to the room.
“In my country, when they say welcome, you show papers,” he explained. “If not, there is problem.”

Despite lingering nerves, Rostyk says he enjoys the cupcakes and appreciates the effort. “The cupcakes are good,” he said. “Very inclusive cupcakes.” He did, however, note that the firm’s core IT infrastructure is now more than 20 years old and suggested that redirecting some of the celebration budget toward critical system upgrades “would also be nice.”

HR representatives thanked Rostyk for his “valuable perspective” and confirmed that his feedback would be taken on board as part of the firm’s broader commitment to listening, learning, and planning the next event. Although, as a heterosexual, European male, they noted the need to balance his views with those of people with lived experiences of discrimination and hardship arising from their background.
One initiative trialled by HR involved placing inclusivity messages on the inside of toilet stall doors, intended to encourage quiet contemplation during the working day. The trial was discontinued after staff expressed uncertainty about what, exactly, they were meant to be contemplating in that setting, and whether encouraging reflection of any kind in a toilet was appropriate for a professional office environment.

The messages have since been replaced with laminated instructions on basic hygiene, including handwashing and flushing, which several staff noted would otherwise be more appropriate for a primary school, but were at least considered situation-appropriate.
The associate with coeliac disease confirmed she had become very familiar with the signage.

The firm has promised the upcoming “Anti-Discrimination Awareness Month Awareness Day” will be “different, fun, and impactful,” though early drafts of the agenda suggest it will again involve cupcakes. It is unclear if the cupcakes will be gluten-free.

If ladders need warnings not to stand on the top rung, this article needs one saying it’s satire.